Put 'em all in the dock

Ain't it just wonderful to see how the mighty are fallen?

Take this report from the trial of Saddam Hussein in Iraq:

Judge Rahman told Saddam to stop making political statements and address the charges against him and seven others, interrupting him several times. When Saddam declared: "I am head of state," the judge retorted: "You used to be a head of state. You are a defendant now."

During one exchange Saddam described the US coalition as "criminals who came under the pretext of weapons of mass destruction and the pretext of democracy instead of dictatorship".

The judge told him: "You are in front of an Iraqi court. This [political issue] is a subject between you and the Americans. Don't involve the court." Saddam replied: "If it were not for politics, I would not be here, and you would have not been brought here. So if your highness was upset by that, file another charge against me."

As the exchanges became more acrimonious, Judge Rahman shouted at Saddam: "Respect yourself." Saddam shouted back: "You respect yourself."

By the end of the public session Saddam, the judge, the prosecutor and the defence lawyers were all shouting.

"You used to be a head of state. You are a defendant now." Isn't that beautiful? God bless the judge's balls.

By the end of the public session Saddam, the judge, the prosecutor and the defence lawyers were all shouting. Isn't that beautiful too? A scene that Mr Justice Cocklecarrot (also available in German as 'Das Zwergen-Zerwürfnis'...) would have been proud of.

Now let's have Blair and Bush up before the beak, and see what they have to say for themselves.

Beak: You stand accused of deliberately invading the sovereign nation of Iraq in contravention of all international law. Do you have anything to say for yourselves?

Blair: Well look. I mean. You know. I think I'm a pretty straight kind of gay. I know a lot of people take this international law business seriously. And I respect that. But as prime minister, I have to take difficult decisions. And on this occasion I took that decision. Because a higher power told me to.

Beak: And who might that higher power be?

Blair: Well. Look. Obviously. I mean. You know. Sir, of course. Mr President.

Beak: Mr President? You refer to Mr George W. Bush, your co-accused?

Blair: Yes, Georgie. Or was it God? I forget. It doesn't really matter, does it? I mean, look. When either one tells me to jump, I jump.

Beak: How high?

Blair: As high as they want, or a little higher. But I can do lots of other tricks too: raise a paw, beg, play dead, chase my tail.... That is my job, as prime minister. It's a decision I took, I took it, and I am proud of that. History will be my judge.

Beak: I'll be doin' the judgin' round here, mate. [He turns to Mr Bush, the second defendant.] And do you have anything to say, Mr Bush?

Bush: Errr, like, yeah, dude. Whup the tuuuhrrrists. Yee-haa!

Beak: Send them down!