Thursday, March 30, 2006

I have it!

And all this time, I was thinking Asmund was Asmund.
Three days in the deep-freeze and suddenly everything is clear.
Asmund is in fact that bloke offof Harry Enfield. You know the one: "You don't want to do that! No, you want to do it like this!"
In other news, I am in Shiqu, which is the coldest place in the universe.
In two days I will be in Yushu, which is supposed to be warmer. Full report will follow from there, when my fingers are operational again.


  1. Well it can't be that cold if your mind is still that sharp. I know the character I'll look up his name.

    Basically what your saying is "You don't wanna catch your death like that! You wanna catch it like this! With frostbite and big killer dogs that bite into your panniers. Turn Right! You don't wanna do that, you wanna turn left! Left is Right!"

    The below was taken from the website link.

    Mr Don't Wanna Do It Like That (Enfield), an irritating know-all who announced his unwanted presence with 'Only me!' and was forever counselling 'You don't want to do it like that...';

    In my view Assmund is harmless enough because he's right into bicycles I bet he could tell you a story about interesting pebbles he's seen along the way while making lines with gaps and that's his business. I would however guess he would get on you tits after while, if your in the pub with him as there seems to be little room for anything else in his existence.

    A day in the life of Assmund

    07.00 Wake up!
    07.30 Fashion weapons against dogs
    08.00 Do "GT" test in Mirror and get worried abouit the neighbours.
    08.30 Think up new terrible fates, for Ed's Blog
    17.30 Start writing them down, with very complex explanations.
    23.30 Coffee break
    00.00 Continue with Blog
    04.30 Log off - Good day of fear mongering at office.
    05.00 count herring at pickle plant
    05.30 Brush teef, hug teddy, sing national anthem, sort Pink Glove collection, count gaps that need to be filled in, out loud in Azeri and fall asleep AH! nice! and peaceful.

    read more about Harry Enfield at

  2. Trouble is, that Asmund is now getting to me - 'cause Ed said he'd be in Yushu by now, but he ain't here.

    We'll presume that he's been held back by the weather for at least a few days.

    And please, Asmund, abstain for just a few days...

    I'm sure he's fine, and if nothing else, I'm sure we could all do without you stepping in to issue his Death Certificate prematurely.

    Not saying I'm not worried - but just give him a few more days...

  3. Right everyone it's fine. Just don't listen to me, I'm a woman. (PG has no excuse... :P)

    He said that he'd be "two days" on what would have been, for him, Thursday evening. It's likely that he meant Friday and Saturday. We'll give him till Monday before we start mourning.

    So Asmund, restrain yourself.

  4. Ed!

    I know this is so personal I should write it in an e-mail. But since you probably wouldn`t read it I write it here in your blog instead. To get rid of unwanted readers I start with something so numbingly boring no one can manage to read on.

    It took me a while before I understood why you are doing what you are doing. But now I got it. When I first read it in July your plan could be read like this:

    First I get deep-frozen on the Tibetan Platau in mid winter.
    Then I get mummified on the 600 km uninhabited road/track leading over to the Taklamakan desert.
    Then I suffocate on the worlds highest highway in Tajikistan.
    Before I finish it all off by beeing deep-fried in the Turkmenistan desert in August.

    It was like you had no wish of ever coming back to England. And I remembered the day we walked to the Thieves Market in Ulaan Baatar to look for your bike or parts of your bike. I aked you if you would go home since you had no bike. No you would not. Then I asked when you would go home.

    Well anyway I wrote you e-mails warning you that mid winter at 5.000 meters would kill you. You wrote back some calming words that I partly wrote in a comment here in February. I left it until January when I started to write you e-mails again warning you about death in the high mountains in mid winter.
    You did not respond.
    When you left Zhongdian I thought something was very wrong. I thought you were going to commit "the ultimat shortcut in life".
    Luckily I was wrong.
    But even if someone other than yourself had a wish to take the "ultimat shortcut" I am naive enough to believe the beauty they were surrounded by up in the mountains would give them a wish to go on living.

    Then I wondered what would make me take an impossible bikeride. The answer for me was this: Only if I was t.i. I am a loner so for me it would be OK. But you are a people-person so if you were t.i. you would choose to go back to England to be with your family and friends.
    So then I could eliminate s. and t.i.

    But still you were cycling like this was your very last bike ride.
    Because it was the last you would put in so much "fun" and danger as possible in just one ride.
    But why should it be the last? Then after 8 months it suddenly came to me.
    You made a deal in Shanghai didn`t you? You got your ride back to England in exchange for starting to live a more normal life when you got back.
    Last time I had to stay in Norway for nearly three years and work due to losing all my money and more on shares during the previous bikeride. In Norway I didn`t cycle a single meter. I didn`t know when I would be able to go on a long bike ride again. But I knew I would be able to go one day. And so I did.
    This time it is similar. I still owe a lot of money that I borrowed during last ride. But I don`t worry too much. I know one day I hopefully will be back on the road on my bike again.

    If I knew for some reason that I no longer could go on a bike trip,or if I had promise never to go on a bike ride again,then that would really eat my soul and make me very,very misserable.

    So Ed if this is the case with you and the reason for you putting so much "fun" and danger into this ride,then try to renegotiate. Try to get the possibility that you maybe within 10 years or so could get on a short bikeride if you really,really had to.

    The thought of the possibility of a future ride would make your life easier now and espessially when you come home.
    What you can use to tempt with? The promise of a safer homeride.

    Am I wrong again??? Damn!!!

    By the way,have you updated yourself on V. and D`s "new" situation?


  5. That looks like Tuesday last week!
    Now,who has been spying on me?
    Or was that just a lucky guess?
    Anyway,as you can see I have no time to go to the pub!



  6. Asmund, darling - I'd appreciate if you'd keep such posts to yourself until Ed is around, so that you don't make everyone worry needlessly.

    It's bad enough that he's late in getting to Yusho, albeit only by a day, without you piping up: "Oh, he's probably dead..." Or something to that effect.

    I have every knowledge that Edward is choosing to be bit (over)adventurous, but you really have to stop such frequent deathcries. People stop taking you seriously.

    And trust me, it just isn't very nice, when he's out there in the unknown and you're talking about him being dead, again.

    If you don't wait at least another two days before telling us all he's dead, I will ceremoniously deep-freeze, mummify and suffocate you, then follow this naturally by a dip into some bubbling Crisp 'n' Dry...

    ... Because you're having all of us who have not yet been exposed to the "He's been gone a while, hence he's dead" virus worried shitless, for want of a better phrase.

    So at least tone down a little.