Tuesday, August 01, 2006


The hot news is:

1. It's hot.
2. I'm in Lvov (aka Lviv), Ukraine, where it is hot.
3. It's hot.

Apologies for lack of blog since China. Will make up for it one day, I promise.


  1. It's too late to turn up suddenly ok again. We're back on panic alert here at blog hq. Actually, maybe you're too early. You're supposed to pop up just as the funeral march stops playing. Pesky cyclists.

  2. See, Edward's fine Asmund. He's just quite hot and all.

    Which seems really weird, because time really seems to have zipped past since he was in the deep freezer in early spring.

    In fact, the best part of 2006 seems to have vanished far too quickly, point blank. Am I the only one who feels this way?

  3. You'll probably have to wait about another fortnight for another 30 word installment of his journey, m'afraid. Such are the circumstances at his end.

    This situation is particularly tough-going for me and Asmund as we both worry about Edward, and I have to try very hard to remind myself how much Edward's managed to get through, and do my best not to outdo Asmund in the fretting.

    We also miss the numerous, long, entertaining blog posts with nice pictures that he was at liberty to post when he had a job, and more time and dough - and when there was an internet café on every street offering the rate of 3 yuan (about 20p) an hour for internet access.

    C'est la vie...

    And Asmund darling, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings; I was just jesting. You do know that we all (including Edward) love you really, even if we think you're a little bit nutty. And we love the fact that you're a little bit nutty too.

    Even I'm a little bit nutty, in all the right ways.

    In fact, I think we're all mad, in our own ways.

    Group hug?

  4. Ed!

    Are you still in Ukraine?
    Someone reported you entering the country like three weeks ago. Where have you been? Visiting Tsjernobyl?
    Will you get home before the end of August? You are almost in Poland where Carl is supposed to be now.

    L.P. You wonder where all the time went. Maybe you spendt too much of it in front of the computer?
    In a few weeks the Scotish summer will be over. Make the most of it.



  5. Dear All,
    as a public service I will offer £50 to Ed so that he can resume normal blog service for a week or two at least. He can either take this as an IOU, or if there is a Western Union office somewhere near where he is then I will wire the money over to him.
    Maybe someone can let him know.

  6. I was thinking of giving him a tenner, but your offer of £50 is better. Probably because you have a fuller wallet than me.

    I'm skint to the bone, me.

  7. I went to the bother of thumbing through the archives (oh the nostalgia!) to fish this out for all potential philanthropists out there who would like to see Edward more frequently, fatter, happier and with a more substantial blog to merit his travels.

    Aren't I nice?

  8. Hrrmmm... it does not appear to be working. I guess I should have bloody well checked beforehand.

    Perhaps he was being ironic or summat, or the page has since been pulled, or he's typed it in wrong.

    In any case, the URL has in it what appears to be a sort code and an account number respectively. And I suppose that if you enquired at your local Nationwide as to the owner of the bank account with those respective numbers (Mr. Genochio, perchance?), you might be onto something.

    Will you marry me, Carl?

  9. He's alive! Very handy, atleast I don't get that added to my score card.

  10. Did you have good birthday Ed? And where?

  11. See I leave the room, the music stops and who's not got a chair.

    Items to be discussed
    1. Is it Thursday today? drove back over night and seem to be missing something. (Which appears to be lots of sleep and wednesday?)

    2. If I'd know Ed was in lvov or lviv, I'd have dropped in was only about 150 miles away (give or take a border which i might have needed a visa for)

    3. Time does fly when your having fun see earlier post can't believe it's august. Time also goes even faster when your having a right bad time too. (I need a Blog to share my pain with the world)

    4. Proposal of marriage which I just either scan read or misread? While it sounds a good deal! Current Mrs. Carl would probably take a dim view and try to remove a number of items I'm rather fond of. So I'll decline unless you can sweeten the deal by owning a brewery and have rich parents.

    5. I'm knackered and going to bed, whats worse I got to go back to Poland the northern bit this time in a week or so(and Berlin). So Ed if you could make your way towards the island of Usedom I can meet you there?

    6. I wish I'd studied more as there has to be a easier ways of making £5's

    7. I lost the sweep stake by the looks of things or we've been burgled?

  12. Ed,

    Congrats, you must be racking up big-time mileage every day;) In any case stay safe and don't forget to have fun too;))) Rich

  13. is that a smiley with a double chin?

  14. It's OK Carl, I found a sperm bank. I don't need a man. (I do! I do!)

    And while I do have about 200ml of vodka on my person, I have very little money, and one parent who is by no means rich.

    I do however have razor sharp wits, babyface good looks and a fantastic personality, if any other young men out there would be keen on applying to be my other half.

  15. Right thats better so is it thursday or friday now? As I'm still missing wednesday for some reason!?!?...

    Damn alien abductions, stop taking me...!

    Lets get back on track, it's really darkest surrey at the moment as we're in the middle of a power cut. I however have a generator so hahahaha to all my neighbours. That includes the drunks next door who are still having a BBQ. Ed, I'm abit gutted I was in Krakow which if you get a chance is worth avoiding. Next week I'll be in Sczecin in the north so let me know and I'll catch up with you there, the beach above I think it's called swinemuende is a place which offers very cheap pizza, coffee and accomodation the beach was beautiful and reminded me of the south of france. Just cheaper and really nice and empty however it did lack loads of topless dutch sorts playing volley ball.

    Now onto new and interesting development L.P. little bit of advice from someone who's made a video (in the old days as now we make new media products) all about sperm donors

    Your unlikley to get a vintage bottle, it's not like being a member of wine club!

    There is more but it's way past sick and this blog is not the place for things i can type on this subject.

    There is more but I can't spell the words and being a dislexic is a sign of a mispelt youth anyway.

    So while I sit here wondering how dark darkest surrey really is, I think I'm going to go and chop some firewood ready for winter. Also I looked Elvis up on the web and there's like a billion dollar reward for info for his whereabouts! and it's almost 29 years since he disappeared, so Ed if you could do an Elvis tribute I think it was the 13th of Aug? So I suggest a minute of silence it could make a good story for the papers. I know he was stationed in Germany somewhere? perhaps you could cycle there...

    Anyway as it past bed o'clock for most normal folk, so it's time to wake them up with abit of chainsaw action.

  16. Ahoy Edwardinho,

    Hope being back on European soil is everything you dreamed it would be (cafes, canals, paedophiles, embittered farmers (who may or may not fall into the same category), respect for human rights, blondes). Nice to know you survived...er....whatever it was you survived in the last few months. Space and time, presumably. Surviving space and time is survival enough in my book. And, lo, what's this? Only the 3rd England-Pakistan test on the OBO. Good to have you back.

    Bond, China Daily 'polisher', Beijing

  17. Ed, How's the drinking power stuff holding out? As i was just in ye olde bike shoppe. Matey bloke " manager type" offered me another bucket sized container of the stuff? I said i'd ask first before getting too involved with having to carry it back to car. It was bigger than the one I sent!



  18. Ed, did you know it's nearly 29 years since since the day that changed the world? it kinda got me thinking 15th August I think it was when I left gracelands. Hard to be exact I was abit confused about things back then. Well your trip kinda has given me a new look at the world. I got me a bike and some things together, I'm going to cycle to India change will do me some good. Been here too long anyways and gathered more moss than a mississippi glade. I only moved here for my health, which seems just fine and dandy right now.

    So it's 1 for the money. 2 for the show. 3 to get ready and go cat go.

    Elvis has left the wanga-ba, Uh-hu thank you vuury much!

    Best of luck Ed, catch you on the flip side.

    with best wishes

    E. A. Presley Esq.

  19. I hate you Asmund you've never called me.! and I'm not a SLAG! just ask delbert, leroy, jerome, jack, billy, terence, fred, chuck, will, benni, ben, ewan, sunny, angel, bart, andy, stew, stu, kev, les, bambi, tracey, jack, jacky, costas, adi, nick, dave, david, Rob and Tyrone. I culd put more names but i woz'nt countin unlike you! I coulda made you plenty happy, but you had to spoil it! just cos I had me some relations it don't matter! Just cos i got me abit a mileage one the clock it don't count for that much do it? I'd still get into rubber for the right fella like yous long distance cycle boy!

  20. It's been more than 29 years since the day that changed the world. Ed's birthday was in July.

  21. Could someone tell me how to link a picture up to this blog? I've just started building a authentic chinese roadside shack in my backgarden. Thinking of renting it out to students can also supply smelly toilet (please note does require a few days notice however please bear in mind when booking), rancid mutton or optional hoof boiling kettle (hope Harrods sell this sort a stuff?). It's looking rather glam was going to ask Ed to perform official opening ceremony if he's not to busy being all famous and on the last leg so to speak.

    Darkest Surrey will be a better place for it I'm sure.

  22. Well Carl, you can't use the img (image) tag... but you can simply upload pictures to the likes of Photobucket.com and link to them here.

    If you need help with linking - just squawk back at me. And I'll let you in on all the secrets, provided you get a swift divorce.

  23. Has anyone heard of Donald Crowhurst?

  24. If he owes me money yes, if I owe him no.

  25. just googled him, if he owed me there's less than zero chance of collecting he's deeeeed! Also just for the record he got himself deeeed before I got born so. I never touched him he was already deeed before I got on the scene. Incase the coppers are looking to frame someone up for it.

    Does anyone know the name of the bloke who hid in the loft pretending to be sailing around the world and got caught out with some radio delay thingy, complex maths stuff... by some clever bloke with very thick glasses and way too much time on his hands.

    PS can I use flickr picture thing as I already got an account there?

  26. I just Googled him. What a crazyhorse...

    Why do you ask?

  27. Ooo... Carl pre-empts me by several minutes...

  28. just read the last bit from L.P. bit of a snag with the divorce. for a couple of reasons

    I like the wife alot she's funny, very very clever and thinks the world of me. Also she's knows where I buried the loot. (damn it!)

  29. Yes darling, you can use Flickr.

  30. cool, however it's dark now! so pictures will have to wait till tomorrow.

    "The Ed Shed" as it shall now be known has made remarkable progress thanks mainly to postcrete what totally brilliant stuff. Just add water 10-15 mins rock hard, bit of downer to dig out and chip off when the posts in the wrong place mind you.

  31. OK, I'll be nice with the linking deal, this once...

    Right click the image of your choice, and click properties. Copy the URL that you see.

    To link to that picture, simply take the hash symbols out of this piece of code and insert the image URL where I've written image URL (keep the quote marks!) and write the text for your link (say, "my pic" or whatever) where I've written link text:

    <#a href = "image URL">link text<#/a>

    That ok?

  32. I need a nuclear powered one this shed is on steriods! have you electric lights in scootland then? cos it's blacker than a badgers fufu down here.

  33. instructions clear as mud! will open this up when I've done the deed see how it goes.

    going to draw me some roof joists now as need to build them next.

  34. dark as stevie wonders living room down here, it's cos you live at the north pole.

  35. I live at Glasgow... easily confused.

  36. I just read up about this crowhurst bloke, very sad really when you think about it! Why did anno post this? not thinking of getting some ply and getting down the seaside for some record breaking round the world stunt? As I would recommend staying at home and hiding in loft! much safer!

  37. anything north weybridge might as well be the north pole!

  38. I'm getting tired. Come to bed, Carl.

  39. That's an offer you don't get all the time. I'll take that as compliment, however I still have to turn the wheel of industry as we're of to Amsterdam and Duesseldorf. I still have to figure out how to make roof joists as the timber turns up tomorrow! OOPS!

    this blog is developing more twists than a corkscrew at the moment!

  40. So how's the love shack coming along then?

  41. Not love shack more executive retreat/ club

    ED shed

    Well I hope this works!

    Plus this bloke is very handy to know when it comes to learning how to build stuff.

    bob the builder

    got gable ends to fix and more measuring to do.

  42. Ooo er... That's not a shed - that's a small house!

    What do you plan on doing with it? Will you let Ed plank his bum in it if he ever passes Surrey on his bike?

    Oh and, congrats, with the linking lark - you're obviously a quick learner.

  43. I got an ability to pick things up as I go along. Got the ends up and built some of the walls today need a few more bits in the middle, windows and doors. Need to have a look how to build window and door frames first.

    The use for the Ed shed, well he's "long distance cycle god" is more than welcome to sleep there. Or he could have the spare room I guess, why have a shed that's that big. I have to have a place for my experiments and inventions, so 30% is my horticultural research department. Where I will be working with ion technolgy on producing better beef tomatoes. There's small section for Solar and Wind Engergy which is rather interesting to me. The rest is my secret lab, next year I'm planning to build phase 2 which will house my sport research centre and gym.

    As I need an endless pool they are wicked oh and I need to have space for the telescope, the mountainbike and some of my hobby stuff.

    PS it's dark again damn it, in darkest surrey

  44. Wacky sofa scientist then?

    Do you compost a lot of your waste?

  45. Not really, more trying to catch up on the below average state education I got dished out.

    "You should never judge someone by their resources. Instead judge them by their resourcefulness."

    Waste composting interesting concept, would probably give the council round these parts heart failure.

  46. All the organic waste... banana skins, apple cores, eggshells, potaro skins, paper, bit of cardboard...

    Stick 'em in a container with a hole in the bottom (to let beasies from the ground in) or a big pile, and you'll have yourself compost of a lot of your waste, that you can use in your horticulture stuff.

    And there's that recycling lark too. Very green, I am.

    PS. Is Asmund dead?

  47. That sort of recycling, I thought you meant 1 or 2 pig toilets!

    Which are a very different story, to a few bits of kitchen waste!

    Erm... I could make some composting bins with the left over bits of wood but have to get the roof on first. My dodgy knee is saying weather is on the change,and structure needs to weather proof in a hurry.

    Asmund I think he's just out and about spreading the word. Perhaps he cycling down to meet up with Ed? If he was bored and wanted a job I could do with another person to finish the research park off.

  48. Well I suppose you could also have a little EC (earth closet) installed, or shit in your compost bin every-so-often...

    I mean, where I live I've seen them raking huge piles of horse-shit into the rose gardens in the park - and surely our own waste can't be all that worse than that - right?

    (And what lovely roses we have at Tollcross Park in Glasgow.)

  49. Well I'm not sure about that, if that was the case then in all them refugee camps in other far away places. You'd have roses growing all over the shop, won't you?

    I think there is something very different about number 2's and horse shit. For starters horses are vegetarians so the food by product consists of 97+% of vegetable matter. However us humans well we eat pretty much everything you cant think of. So our food by products contain stacks of things each has it's own set of properties.

    So I don't think having a dump in the recycle bin is a good idea at all. I'm sure there is more but need to get back to building the clock tower on the end of the fort, before the weather turns. On hindsight I should have built a cellar or a bat cave while digging the footings!

  50. The components of our shit would be different, but there's no reason to believe that it wouldn't make good compost.

    And good soil doesn't attract plants to it - the plant seeds simply land there and sprout - as per your comment about shit in refugee camps.

    The shit might even contain bactera that would hasten the decomposition of the compost...

  51. Seems to me that you've become an expert in this. I would suggest you build your own science lab/ exec shed to further expiriement. Be careful not to tempted by the Demons of Corophilia which your displaying signs of.

    I in the meantime will stick with my theories on ionised water, which are less smelly and less brown so more attractive than shit of any kind.

    ran out of screws blast!

  52. nice but I need some screws, as a matter of urgency! will be back to figure out the secret messages in that song in minute.


  53. I can provide you with as many screws as you desire, dear.

    And you made a spelling error. Though doesn't really matter as I'm not at all... I'm even mildly repulsed by the thought of anal sex. I'm just green-minded.

    And just look at this little compost loo...

  54. I'm the only completely self educated person I know. I don't however give my self spelling tests which I might introduce now.

    the other day I was trying to work out what verbs, nouns and adjectives are, sadly still don't get!

    erm... need to go a measure a few more bits and pieces. As it's becoming very complex in the build process as everything has to now join up.

    Ed, if your out there smerking can you post a few pictures please?

  55. Quick lesson:

    Verbs are doing words... things you can do, like walk, run, skip, pick, bark, kiss, hug, shag, squeal, sleep... etc.

    Adjectives are describing/descriptive words. Words we use to describe people or things like: crazy, sexy, cool, mad, lovely, gorgeous, furry, orgasmic, delectable, hard, smelly... etc.

    Nouns are naming words, apparently. You can touch concrete nouns, as they are people and objects. Things that can perform actions, and/or be described... like: ball, dog, baby, computer, phone, arse, shit, dildo, biscuit... etc etc.

    The words I, you, we and they are special nouns called pronouns.

    Abstract nouns are harder to get, at first. They are names (often for actions, or for a quality someone can possess) for things that one can't touch, like: masturbation, elimination, coquetry, piety, graveness, dignity, sleepiness, happiness, and so on...

    Adverbs are "adjectives of verbs". They describe how an action is done... slowly, easily, eloquently, carelessly, sensuously, badly and well are all examples of adverbs. You'll notice most of them (apart from "well") end in "-ly"... And that is usually an indicator of an adverb.

    When I have the time, I will brief you on common errors. (Like saying "I did good" and not "I did well".)

  56. you see it seems so simple yet i have glazed over too many words.

    That's the beauty of a disability you can't see nor explain and nobody gets it.

    got to go need to listen to cheese song again, might play it backwards to see if there's any cool messages in there like "NBK, smoke pot, satan etc."

  57. I glaze over something if there's too many words too, sometimes. You're not disabled, you're just "different", darling.

  58. Ed,

    The chap at mongol rally just mailled to forward a txt from a team he thought it was you.

    Mongol Rally Madness
    2006-08-14 08:55:12
    one of the teams reported in saying
    "progress slow as roads east of khack are not so great in patches. Just met a swiss guy on a 72yr old bike who has been cycling for 3 months to get here!"

    Is this the bloke you asked to keep an eyeout for?



  59. Oh Carl, for crying out loud, send them a photo of Ed!

    Here's one from his blog that I took and lightened for you, and which you can email to your mate.

  60. Cool, man.

    Why do all these revolutionary trans-continent travellers seem to be hanging out in East Asia?

    I must find someone to cycle with when I'm a bit older...

  61. Little point now, as all teams seem to be past Ed's location. Even the car which broke down in London, 30 yards from the start made it to Romania and then apparently blew up.

    Also when I told matey who's arranging this event, as some of last years teams met Ed in UB. I'm only guessing here but he was probably not listening at all.

    (Being busy getting people's visa's and various travel doc's arranged.)

    I was very suprised to get anything at all considering he's got 200ish teams out there all heading for UB at the moment!!...

  62. All that running nice, will his achievement affect the price of fish-n-chips in a sauce boat on a friday night in Scunthorpe?

  63. I meant to ask Ed, did you ever get a mail Cycling Boris J. the MP as I had a couple of emails from his secretary. I did mean to enquire earlier but was only clearing out my old mails today.

    regards from darkest flooded surrey

  64. Est-ce que je peux avoir a translation in ingles, por favor? Ah dinnae speak Russion, ken?

  65. Русским будет язык влюбленности

  66. french and russian, blimey what is going on?

  67. You can't make me go back! I just got back

    anyway I know what it means I used babelfish nah nah nah!

  68. Я ненавижу людей используют babelfish, котор оно как обжуливая человек! и где искусство!

  69. Ed, are you going to hold a massive charity auction when you get back? I went to one yesterday it was bit of an eye opener.

  70. I think he should auction his left kidney for charity!

  71. No I thought perhaps some signed photographic prints from the trip, signed cycling shirts mounted in frames, nice stuff from far away and not available in the shops erm.... stuff like that no mention of any kidneys, corneas, heart and lungs or anything like that. The auction I went to was selling prints and books etc. like that for massive amounts of £'s,$'s,yen and euros. Items with face values of £20 where going for £55 minimum! They took like 30K and the stuff they where knocking out, looked like stuff the trotters independant trading was knocking up in the garage, everything had a certificate of genuiney-ness, even the certificates had certificates. If you get what I'm saying. All you need is get the punters filled up on cheap wine, get a bloke in who can charm their wallets open and your made! whoooheee! then give it all to charity minus a few minor costs and admin charges and everyone feels good about themselves.

  72. perfect day for a BBQ

  73. Are none of you worried about Ed?



  74. Good your back I started a tab in your absense you owe The White Heart in Weybridge £4,786.31 and he (the landlord) wants a word about it. I said your good for it but he's not having none of it!

    Funny cos I was just thinking of you, I've missed freeze, kill, die, quatalamatatta test, death, die, wolves and nurse linda.

    Ed I'm guessing is somewhere in Germany eating cake right now. Smiling to himself and wondering what to do next. He's probably going to have to turn round and go back cos he forgot his towel or something.

    Anyway hope all is well whats the weather like up't north. Also if you could be a luv and settle your bill, it would be right handy cos I've started having to drink in The Bricklayers and it's a rough old place and all the beers warm and crisps are stale.

    kind regards from darkest and still bit flooded surrey

  75. Asmund, I'm not worried about Ed because he spoke to me just the other week.

    But he's hiding, apparently. He wouldn't tell me his specific location (in fact he wouldn't tell me anything beyond "Europe", but he did visit my blog and I got hints from there), and as he's being so secretive I don't suppose I'm really at will even to say his general location, other than tell you that he's out of Ukraine now.

    I'm not really sure of his precise reasons for being so hush-hush, but I'm not going to blabber because I think that he's being rather silly or that certain people just deserve to know.

    I have a couple of theories, but they're also hush-hush unfortunately.

  76. Perhaps he's meeting up with Elvis to eat cake and shoot the breeze.

    Perhaps he's hiding out from the bank manager? who might be wondering if he's going to get the money back.

    Perhaps he was hiding behind the chippy in exeter all along?

    Perhaps whoever posted the things about sailor boy in a ply wood boat was Ed?

    Perhaps he's waiting for Ed shed to be finished?

    Perhaps he's been abducted by aliens?

    Perhaps i'm grasping at straws?

  77. Hmmm.
    Google Earth shows straight line distance from last known post to Exeter to be about 1,600 miles. 20 days have elapsed, making it a do-able 80 miles per day. Assuming stops in wangbas along the way, I can confidently predict that Ed is most likely caught on the big roundabout by the Arc de Triopmphe, waiting for someone to give way. Either that or he has a puncture.
    What plans are there for a welcoming committee? Apart from the Ed shed of course?

  78. I knew there was a secret maths agenda coming back to the surface. I was toying with the maps and a calculator. Where's Einstein when you need him? Or even Rob T. I will say that the Arc D triumph is like a roulette wheel perhaps he's been fired out the wrong exit and is heading for spain by accident?

    Also Ed shed will be somewhat delayed as surrey is underwater from recent suspect weather condition and timber yard bloke looked like he was building an ark last time I saw him. Might have to ask lottery to stump up a grant for the further development of this project. As I will be honest it's gotten out of hand! we're on the third storey now!

  79. Oh great, Edward is now ignoring me on Gmail without so much as an explanation. I can only imagine he must be hiding something really special.

    I'm quite annoyed, but then I suspect I'm also quite hormonal, so I'll take advantage of the next ten minutes to let my blood pressure subside.

  80. My guess is that Ed is ignoring his gmail for the same reason as he's ignoring this blog - because he wants to get on with the cycling without all the "oh no he's going to freeze on tibetan plateau then die in the turkmenistan desert assuming the guatemalans don't get to him first!" that's been going on.

    I reckon.

  81. I meant he was online, and didn't speak a word, and is deliberately being very secretive and evasive...

  82. perhaps it was a fake him? or he was busy doing some online poker and did not want to break his concentration?

  83. "If I win this hand I can afford to eat!"

  84. I got me 2 pair what you got?

  85. yeah ha! I'm rich rich rich!

  86. 3 shirt buttons, a broken timex and an IOU not exactly big winnings! Lastime I pay poker with a bunch of cheap skates!

  87. Jebus loiq, we really don't need the sordid details of your rowdy sex life!!!

    (Tongue in cheek.)

  88. Well my mechanically supported activities have been continuing all day long now have officially had enough! Weather has been on and off all day so have to switch power off and back on all day. Roof seems weather proof will have a cup a tea and will do some more pictures in a mo.

    Got a bid on Ebay for a Solar panel big enough for the space shuttle! brilliant!